What is tonglen?
Tonglen is a Buddhist meditation technique.
The objective is developing self-compassion and compassion for other beings. Self-compassion is an effective way of self-care. It means to look at yourself with kindness, accepting your own mistakes and giving yourself the care you need, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Steps to do tonglen
Imagine yourself as your purest, most compassionate version.
Pay attention to your breathing.
When you breathe in, imagine heat coming into your body. When you breathe out, imagine freshness going out of your body and expanding. Continue until you do it easily.
Choose a problem a person has, or one you have. When you breathe in, burn the emotional distress. When you breathe out, feel the freshness or send it to the person you are thinking of.
Extend this exercise to every person who has these issues.
You can listen to a tonglen guided meditation here:
Other ways to do tonglen
There are many different instructions to do tonglen. This is just one of them, inspired in a document written by Pema Chodron, but there are many others out there. Do some research and try different options until you find one that you feel it is working. Also, you can create your own version.